This yr has already confirmed to be one the place I proceed to face challenges each personally and professionally. Monetary challenges, challenges of id, and the dynamic of my marriage are all up within the air proper now. And also you guys, I’m HERE for it.
What occurred in 2023 has endlessly modified my relationship with concern. When the worst-case state of affairs occurs and also you survive, the one brilliant aspect is you already know you may, on the very least, make it by way of every day. And that’s not nothing.
At this time I’m sharing some reflections on the previous yr, my targets for 2024, and what you may anticipate from me going ahead.
Reflecting on the Classes of Final 12 months
Reflecting on all that unfolded in my life final yr, I can’t level to 1 factor or second that helped me transfer by way of the depths of my very own thoughts. I do know that I didn’t quit even when my internal critic instructed me I used to be pathetic and will depart the web endlessly. I saved going and placing myself on the market, even when it meant I used to be a puddle.
I do know now that when concern is within the driver’s seat, we grow to be one other model of ourselves fully. It takes time to interrupt that cycle, however now I dwell comfortably with concern sitting proper subsequent to me, grinning wickedly as I put one foot in entrance of the opposite regardless of its menacing presence. I’ve even begun to search out humor the place my fears present up, and I feel that’s progress.
As a result of whereas all of what occurred in 2023 was laborious, I want I’d seen sooner how making an attempt to alter that truth solely extended my internal agony. Solely once I began to see the ache as a part of the human expertise, once I acknowledged it’s one thing I’d expertise many occasions over in my lifetime, did I begin to discover myself once more. This lesson was introduced on not by avoiding my actuality however by dealing with it.
Releasing Disgrace and Altering My Perspective
Whereas not a lot has modified about what I do in my day-to-day life, my perspective has shifted fully. I’m actually type to myself. I additionally maintain myself accountable. I perceive how all-consuming a life pushed by disgrace may be. I additionally notice that if disgrace was used as a parenting instrument once you had been rising up, letting go of that disgrace can be terrifying in maturity as a result of it’s all you already know.
That form of deeply rooted disgrace is the way you’ve measured your successes and failures. It’s the way you’ve determined whether or not or to not strategy a possible associate. It’s knowledgeable what you may hope and dream of, all inside a sure set of limitations that had been by no means set by you within the first place, however handed on from era to era. This disgrace is historical, and it doesn’t belong to you. It in all probability didn’t belong to your dad and mom or their dad and mom. It’s ache that wants a number to maintain itself.
Dwelling with out the safety blanket of disgrace means accepting the concern of vulnerability. I’m holding my concern by its hand and letting it dwell alongside me. And that has modified all the things.
So once we start to breathe oxygen that isn’t tainted with disgrace, it appears like taking a giant gulp of chilly air after a lifetime of preventing for shallow breath. It’s exhilarating. It jogs my memory of the primary time I placed on glasses and realized I may see the leaves on timber. I marvel on the sensation and really feel what it’s wish to have hope and freedom.
I really feel this freedom within the smallest of locations, like when I’m excited to learn what I’ve written. Or once I open thanks playing cards and skim phrases of encouragement—with out pondering they’re conditional. Or once I come to the desk with an open coronary heart, keen to be myself, as a result of I can face rejection. After I know I can face the truth that all beginnings have endings.
Dwelling with out the safety blanket of disgrace means accepting the concern of vulnerability. I’m holding my concern by its hand and letting it dwell alongside me. And that has modified all the things.
My Intentions and Targets for 2024
Searching at the potential of what 2024 holds, I notice the one management we’ve on this life is the selection to expertise it absolutely, hand in hand with concern and in addition with the vulnerability of affection and acceptance. With this in thoughts, these are my intentions and targets for 2024:
- Combat disgrace with vulnerability.
- Be like a turtle: gradual, regular, and constant.
- Do community-centered work.
- Maintain myself accountable for doing what I say I’ll do.
- Really feel feelings with out giving them a lot that means.
- Spend on what issues to me.
- Defend time with my household.
- Spend money on training.
What You Can Anticipate From Me Going Foward
In some ways I’m “formally again” on this position of full-time content material creation, one thing I’d stepped away from midway by way of final yr. However in different methods, it’s a wholly totally different form of position. I’ve a renewed sense of dedication to what I do. I see it as a car for which I create, not by way of which I’m measuring the impression of my work. I’m feeling the spark to create once more, by way of a special lens than I had earlier than. Why not observe that thread and see what occurs?
I used to cling to a way of certainty about what my work meant to individuals and why I used to be doing it. I now know there’s energy in turning into comfy with uncertainty. I used to draw back from issue or friction in favor of ease. I now know there are occasions when friction permits us to construct confidence and do troublesome issues. The purpose shouldn’t be to cover from it however to simply accept it as a crucial a part of the journey. It feels so liberating to not have an ideal reply or technique and to simply accept that as okay.
As for what you may anticipate from me going ahead, my promise is that this: I’m going to maintain exhibiting up. I’ll preserve writing and fueling the flame of the platforms I’ve constructed: Wit & Delight and Home Name. I’m going to maintain creating content material and exploring my curiosities. I hope you’ll stick round for all of it.
Kate is the founding father of Wit & Delight. She is at present studying tips on how to play tennis and is endlessly testing the boundaries of her artistic muscle. Observe her on Instagram at @witanddelight_.
