1.
Sharon Osbourne as soon as instructed a narrative about firing her assistant after a home hearth. After they evacuated the burning dwelling, she insisted her assistant return inside to avoid wasting their canines and work. “He did get the canines, and the hearth engines arrive. Very beautiful folks. They got here, and so they had this oxygen for the assistant. So then I mentioned to him, ‘How very dare you, you’re employed right here, and also you get extra work out proper now.’ I took the masks, and I put it on my canine.”
The following day, Sharon and her husband, Ozzy, have been laughing in regards to the incident when the assistant mentioned, “I do not see what’s humorous about any of this. I feel I’m going to have broken lungs.” Osbourne mentioned she replied, “‘When you do not suppose that is humorous, do you suppose that is humorous?'” then fired him.
2.
After Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder bought married, Somerhalder joked about how he threw out her contraception in order that she would get pregnant. “We determined that we needed to have kids collectively, and it was simply time. However unbeknownst to poor Nikki, she did not notice that I used to be going to go in her purse and take out her contraception,” he mentioned on Dr. Berlin’s Knowledgeable Being pregnant Podcast. “By the way in which, it was the start of the pack, so I needed to pop all these suckers out. It’s lots of work, particularly after a bit little bit of sangria,” he laughed.
3.
Pedro Pascal discovered about what would develop into his breakout function as Oberyn Martell in Recreation of Thrones whereas serving to a USC scholar whom he was mentoring audition for the function. “He is, like, a 25-year-old child, actually, actually proficient, handsome […] He’d by no means seen the present. I used to be an enormous fan,” Pascal mentioned, noting that he thought the function was “excellent…for me!” Whereas his mentee was within the lavatory, he texted his agent about getting an audition for a component, joking he’d locked his mentee within the lavatory (although this was an apparent embellishment). After his mentee left, Pascal used his mentee’s facet to document his audition, then contacted his finest buddy Sarah Paulson, who was associates with one of many GoT showrunner’s wives, and handed alongside the tape. Pascal bought the half.
4.
Insurgent Wilson as soon as instructed Jimmy Kimmel that she touched Anne Hathaway’s boobs with out her consent whereas filming The Hustle, to the laughter of Jimmy and the viewers, then mentioned she’d executed one thing just like Tom Hardy on the set of This Means Conflict after the director allegedly instructed her to try to stick her finger in his butt.
5.
Equally, Margot Robbie mentioned she kissed Brad Pitt in Babylon as a result of she needed to. She joked, “I assumed, ‘When else am I gonna get the prospect to kiss Brad Pitt? I am simply gonna go for it.'” She instructed director Damien Chazelle she needed to do it and claimed that Damien replied, “‘Wait, maintain on. You simply wanna kiss Brad Pitt.’ And I used to be like, ‘Oh, so sue me. This chance may by no means come up once more.'”
6.
One other tremendous creepy “humorous” story is Jason Segel speaking about writing the function of Violet in The 5-12 months Engagement, his character’s love curiosity, for Emily Blunt. In 2012, Segel joked of writing the intercourse scenes, “There’s some benefit to writing the stuff. I wrote all these love scenes with Emily Blunt, and he or she exhibits up, and he or she simply has to do it as a result of we’re paying her cash, and it is her job.”
7.
Lena Dunham’s bizarre rant about Odell Beckham Jr. not talking to her on the Met Gala continues to be so cringeworthy to me. “It was so superb as a result of it was like he checked out me, and he decided I used to be not the form of a lady by his requirements,” she mentioned in an interview with Amy Schumer. “He was like, ‘That is a marshmallow. That is a toddler. That is a canine.’ It wasn’t imply — he simply appeared confused. The vibe was very very similar to, ‘Do I wish to f— it? Is it carrying a… Yep, it is carrying a tuxedo. I am going to return to my cellphone.’ It was like we have been compelled to be collectively, and he actually was scrolling Instagram slightly than have to have a look at a lady in a bow tie. I used to be like, ‘This ought to be referred to as the Metropolitan Museum of Getting Rejected by Athletes,'” Dunham joked.
8.
At a present in Las Vegas after internet hosting the Oscars, Amy Schumer revealed a joke that she’d been “banned” from telling in the course of the ceremony in regards to the deadly taking pictures of Halyna Hutchins on the set of Rust. The joke was, “Do not Look Up is the identify of a film? Extra like do not look down the barrel of Alec Baldwin’s shotgun.” I am nonetheless scratching my head on why Schumer thought A) this was an acceptable joke and B) that she ought to inform the story of her not being allowed to inform it.
9.
Chelsea Handler has made a number of racist feedback about Angelina Jolie’s kids over time, particularly with regard to Maddox, who Jolie adopted from Cambodia. In her e book Are You There, Vodka? It is Me, Chelsea, she instructed the story, “I rolled over and picked an Us Weekly journal off the ground. The quilt had an image of Angelina, Brad, and their little Eskimo son, Maddox. I sat staring on the picture, questioning why this little man seems so pissed off in each image. At first, I assumed he was simply pissed about his mohawk, however then I spotted he is in all probability livid.”
“Maddox will need to have thought he hit the jackpot when some A-list superstar rescued him from third-world Cambodia, solely to find that she was going to shuffle him forwards and backwards to each different third-world nation within the universe. He is in all probability like, ‘When the fuck are we gonna get to Malibu, bitch?'” The joke solely served to make Handler look racist.
10.
Thomas Middleditch has instructed some questionable tales about his expertise “swinging” together with his spouse. He as soon as joked to Playboy journal, “I self-deprecatingly name myself a pervert, however that is not what it’s. I similar to it. I am sexual” after revealing that he did not inform his spouse that he needed to be polyamorous till after they have been married, at which level, as he describes it, he casually mentioned, “Mollie, I am sorry, however we’ve to get nontraditional right here.”
11.
Invoice Cosby has a historical past of telling tales and jokes about Spanish Fly (an alleged aphrodisiac) — together with on this interview with Larry King. That is a type of messed-up celeb tales that took years for folks to appreciate how tousled it’s, however within the context of the allegations towards Cosby, it’s miles extra disturbing.
12.
Many “humorous” tales from the set of That ’70s Present have additionally been seen in a brand new mild within the wake of Danny Masterson’s rape conviction. Specifically, in a single interview, Ashton Kutcher talked a couple of guess he made with Masterson the place Masterson would pay Kutcher $20 if he used his tongue in a kissing scene with then-14-year-old Mila Kunis. He then mentioned she was “receptive” (Kunis denied he had used tongue, saying she blocked him, however Kutcher maintained that he had) and clarified she was “15 by then,” including, “There is a massive distinction, that one 12 months makes the entire world change.”
13.
John Stamos as soon as instructed a brilliant creepy story about getting his buddy laid by tricking a lady into considering she was having intercourse with him within the mid-’80s. “I used to be in a band. I used to be taking part in someplace in Finland, and there was a woman hanging round who was actually drunk and curious about me. I wasn’t into her, however my buddy was. So the lady got here again to my resort, and I turned the lights down, and we began making out. I mentioned, ‘Maintain on a second, I’ve gotta go brush my enamel.’ It was darkish, I left the room, and I despatched in my buddy who regarded like me. And he or she thought she was having intercourse with me, however she was actually having intercourse with my buddy.”
14.
Jennifer Lawrence as soon as instructed a “humorous” story on The Graham Norton Present about scratching her butt on sacred Hawaiian rocks whereas filming The Starvation Video games. “We have been filming in Hawaii, and there have been…sacred…rocks — I dunno, they have been ancestors, who is aware of — they have been sacred. And you are not supposed to take a seat on them since you’re not supposed to show your genitalia to them. I, nonetheless, was in a moist go well with for this entire shoot, so, oh my God, they have been so good for butt itching!”
She says one of many rocks she used for itching was dislodged and fell down the facet of a mountain, coming near placing and killing the sound engineer. “All of the Hawaiians have been like, ‘Oh my God, it is the curse!’ And I used to be sitting within the nook like, ‘Haha! I am your curse! I wedged it unfastened with my ass!'” She later apologized for her feedback, saying she meant “completely no disrespect to the Hawaiian folks.”
15.
I simply really feel icky watching this Jimmy Kimmel interview with Brett Ratner, the place he tries to show what a humorous, sensible joker Michael Jackson was by telling a narrative about how he accompanied Michael to throw water balloons at a person experiencing homelessness.
16.
In one other “prank” story, Demi Lovato as soon as tweeted a couple of trick she pulled on her bodyguard, claiming she’d employed a intercourse employee to seize “him in his ‘space.'” She then deleted it, then tweeted, “I might tweet one thing about craving jelly beans and it might offend somebody,” and instructed folks to take heed to her tune “Warrior,” writing, “Of all folks I find out about sexual abuse. You do not have to teach me.” Lovato finally apologized for her tweet, and her bodyguard Max referred to as the incident Lovato referred to “a joke and a enjoyable prank,” saying he wasn’t offended.
17.
On one episode of The Adam Friedland Present (later faraway from Spotify), Friedland and Matty Healy instructed a reasonably disturbing story about leaving Healy’s residence with associates. One of many girls with them went again to Healy’s residence as a result of she’d forgotten her water bottle, solely to apparently discover “Matty, like, on his telephone after which on his 77-inch OLEDs simply bought Ghetto Gaggers blaring,” in accordance with Adam, referring to a racist and misogynistic porn web site the place Black girls specifically are degraded and humiliated. “Thirty seconds after the grasp, simply hardcore pornography.”
Healy corroborated the story, saying, “You are not exaggerating. It was 30 seconds, like, you guys have been nonetheless ready exterior. She got here again in; I used to be already flustered. I used to be dressed as ‘man who’s jacking off,’ so I had, like, an untucked shirt, and I feel it actually was Ghetto Gaggers on the TV — any person simply getting, like, brutalized,” Healy joked.
18.
In an anthology about dangerous intercourse, Alison Brie wrote about convincing a male homosexual buddy to have intercourse together with her. “And what if he have been to find he was really straight? I’d have saved him from a lifetime of dysfunctional penetration. Actually my vagina would have been his street to salvation!” she wrote. The 2 did have intercourse, despite the fact that he purportedly did not need her to the touch his penis, and had issue getting aroused, which solely brought about Brie to brainstorm new options. Brie referred to as the entire thing a failure, although she’s apparently nonetheless associates with the person.
19.
This story wasn’t essentially framed as amusing, however I nonetheless suppose it is so odd that Jamie Lee Curtis felt the necessity to inform it in any respect. When Jamie met Ana de Armas on the set of Knives Out, she says she thought de Armas was “unsophisticated” and a brand new actor as a result of she was from Cuba. “I assumed — and I say this with actual embarrassment — as a result of she had come from Cuba, that she had simply arrived,” she mentioned. “I made an assumption that she was an inexperienced, unsophisticated younger girl. That first day, I used to be like, ‘Oh, what are your desires?'”
20.
This one additionally is not a “humorous” story, however I nonetheless suppose it is so ridiculous that Matt Damon framed having solely just lately “retired” the f-slur as if it was a very good factor. In an interview, he claimed that after he made a joke utilizing the slur, his daughter gave him a “treatise” on the topic. “The phrase that my daughter calls the ‘f-slur for a gay’ was generally used after I was a child, with a unique software,” Damon mentioned. After making the joke, “She left the desk. I mentioned, ‘Come on, that is a joke! I say it within the film Caught on You!'”
He later walked again this model of the story, saying he had “by no means referred to as anybody ‘f****t’ in [his] private life and this dialog with [his] daughter was not a private awakening.” He mentioned he was trying to contextualize to his daughter the progress that had been made since he was a child, telling her he’d heard the F-slur usually as a child “earlier than [he] knew what it even referred to.” He mentioned he “defined that that phrase was used continually and casually and was even a line of dialogue in a film of mine as just lately as 2003; she in flip expressed incredulity that there might ever have been a time the place that phrase was used unthinkingly.”
21.
And eventually, on a podcast episode in 2019, T.I. said that he takes his daughter to the gynecologist yearly to test if she’s nonetheless a virgin. (For the document, checking if the hymen is undamaged isn’t a very good indicator of virginity, and the World Well being Group has referred to as virginity testing “a violation of the human rights of women and girls”). T.I. later claimed he’d “embellished” and “exaggerated” the story, that he’d solely gone to her physician’s appointments when she was youthful, and that his daughter had no drawback with it (although she did, he mentioned, “have an issue with me speaking about it,” which he claimed to have apologized for).
“She understands my intentions, and he or she is aware of who I’m, who I’ve at all times been,” he continued, however his daughter Deyjah’s feedback indicated in any other case. She claimed T.I. had come together with her to her gynecologist since she was 14 or 15 and that she “could not have mentioned no.” She referred to as the scenario “a bit traumatizing,” saying she was “very shocked, damage, offended, [and] embarrassed” that T.I. had spoken publicly about it.
What do you consider these tales? Tell us within the feedback.
